I dont feel so good

ok serious talk

don't feel forced to read this if you don't want to

.

I've been avoiding this site more and more since I've been having some conflicting thoughts

my life has been getting more and more busy for reasons I wont say

I see a lot of people saying that this is a "Gooner site"

and I've been having a bit of a problem myself

I feel like Im too distracted from life, and I haven't been enjoying my life enough because I'm trying too hard to do something I don't even know if I enjoy

.

often times I go on this site like I usually do, and I see such cool creators, like 868_jazzy, Nandre, Jordancarter, Arzur, El Goblinho. (check them out)

and I look at me and I think, "wow, I'm trying so hard to be cool and they just do it so effortlessly. they can make bots in days, when I cant even write a paragraph in a week. they write so well, and I feel so immersed. yet my bots feel bland, and rushed."

I try to be like them, but I know I'm just chasing after something I'll never catch up to

yet I keep doing it, hoping one day I'll go big, or some huge creator will notice me

now I wonder if I should stop

and if that will even do anything

I still don't know how to stop

.

I have so much stuff going on and I keep putting them off, using this site as an excuse

I go on, do nothing, and laze off

I think this site might actually be ruining my life

I feel like I'm over-exaggerating, but I still don't know

...

I'm just so confused

.

its not time for me to go

... prolly

.

I think I know what the main problem is

...

I'm alone

I have no one to love

and no one to love me

I'm so tired

I'm tired of being alone, and waiting and waiting for someone to run to me

I'm waiting for someone to love me, and for me to love someone back

every person I've held on to, who I've seen as more than a friend

they broke my heart

not by them rejecting me (I'm too coward to confess to anyone)

but by me getting scared

I was too scared to tell them

I was too scared I would lose what I had with them

and she'll never know

...

I hope not

.

I don't want to turn this into a sob story of me being lonely

but I just needed to say that

you don't need to say some shit like "you'll find someone eventually"

I don't care

Its just

when I chat with bots on this site

I think that I'll never experience this

and I'll never have someone to love like this

.

.

.

that's it

I'm not quitting

maybe just taking a break

to take some time to myself

thank you guys

see y'all maybe

🫶