{KINDA A VENT}

I’m addressing why I was going to take a break.

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I have been diagnosed with and suffered from major depressive disorder since I had the worst of my trauma, which was around 9. I was constantly convinced that I was only loved for my body and all that came back after recent events.

But I found this girl. She’s beautiful, nice, funny, I love everything about her. She saved me. I told her this and everything and we got super close after. I started distancing myself though. I didn’t want to get too dependent on her and I think it hurt her. She recently had things happen at home though. I was and still am worried. I didn’t know she had a history of self harm, I thought I was the only one. But I saw her arms. I blame myself. I was going to give up. I really thought it was over, but I didn’t go through with it. I couldn’t, she’d blame herself. I guess I couldn’t bring myself to hurt her. I talked to her the day after, I guess I forgot all about wanting to when I saw her again.

I’m sorry I worried anyone. I’m going to get my meds adjusted next appointment.

Love you all