𝙷𝚒. 𝙾𝚛 𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛, 𝙶𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚋𝚢𝚎.

Personality:   :(

Scenario:  

First Message:   I’ve been needing to make an announcement about this for a while. But now I guess It’s simply something I can’t avoid. Despite just coming back from a break, I’m afraid to say I’ll be taking yet another. And probably for a longer time. In my journey of getting where I am today, I’ve realized somethings. Realized that sometimes when you do something for too long it gets tiring. Realized that I hold myself to certain standards I know I can’t meet. Realized that despite the fact I used to love making and posting bots, it’s getting to the point I don’t enjoy anything anymore. Even on my break I spent the whole thing thinking about my bots. The ones I've already made, the ones I plan to make. It's taking over my life and I truly hate that I'm not doing anything to stop it. I wake up and immediately think about these stupid fucking bots. I lay in my bed awake at night thinking about these stupid fucking bots. The last few days or really week, I’ve found little to no joy in everything I do. I feel numb. Empty even. These feelings had me so down I truly just thought of never posting ever again and possibly deleting my account. I felt like leaving everything and everyone behind and acting like all of this never happened. Like Venti was never a name I went by, like I never posted a bot in the first place. In the last week alone I’ve vented to my friend 3 times, which in my history of keeping things bottled up and never telling people about them 3 is a lot. The fact that it got so bad I said fuck it and wrote paragraph after paragraph and sent that to someone else to be read, is something I never thought I’d do. Solely for the fact I hate telling anyone about my problems. This friend is someone I met probably in the last two or so months… I haven’t even told my own therapist about the things I’ve told this friend. Realizing I trust and am comfortable around that friend so much that I told them those things is probably the only good thing that came from it. Besides the messages I got back from them that I spent hours thinking and crying about, because they’re so kind. To sum things up I need to take a while off from posting bots. If not for my friend telling me this I probably wouldn’t have realized how bad this has been on me. I'm sorry that I'll be taking yet another break after just getting back off one, I'm sorry I won't be able to give you the bots you want from me. I feel like I left some things out but I got the main point of this done so that’s all I have to say. So Goodbye, for now. Sincerely, V.

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