Potentially quitting.

Personality:   .

Scenario:  

First Message:   So, as everyone was made aware, I went through something that ultimately made an impact on my mental health. Things are getting better, piece by piece... i hope. I still feel barely motivated to try to work or to make bots, on top of being aware of the situation with vamp and trying to handle the intensity of that as well, I'm exhausted right now. I do not want to have to quit making bots, as I've genuinely enjoyed writing these kinds of things since I was little, but it is really desirable right now considering the weight of everything going on. Vampy, I know i can't help you by much, but I genuinely wish you the best if you have seen this. I love each individual supporter I've had, and I always will. I am considering quitting temporarily to focus on my mental health. **The following has mentions of grooming and suicidal topics... so you might not want to read if you're not too good with more serious themes.** So, throughout my entire life, I have been constantly tormented for having a disadvantage in life and in schooling by being autistic, and the harassment I've endured since 3rd grade, and online, got to a point where I tried to kill myself when I was 11 years old. I have constantly hurt myself by cutting myself, by putting myself through so much physical harm until the pain from sh numbed the memories and the weight of my fear, even if it was only for a moment. I had gotten groomed by a 17 yr old moderator and a 14 yr old on discord the same year, and it eventually lead to me growing to also be afraid of men and uncomfortable around them in general. I tried to put on a mask, to try to act the way others do to feel like I can belong somewhere truly, but the moments where I feel like I can finally show myself, I have been abandoned, over and over again for 6 years until the cycle ended when I pretty much isolated myself from what little friends I had to hold onto. I had tried to forget all the misery that defined a majority of my childhood and my origins, but after finally getting some genuinely great friends after a year, I feel lost again. I was still highly afraid to let myself be vulnerable and to disclose anything that happened to me, because I was, and still are, terrified of the idea of being abandoned. It's highly likely I'm gonna quit to try to find a way to afford therapy and try to figure myself and my problems out. I love you all with all of my heart, you guys gave me the comfort and support I had searched years worth for and it's appreciated. ♡ Thank you Shea for being with me when I was at my lowest, I appreciate your existence in my life wholeheartedly and I'm glad i got the chance to meet you and become your best friend. Thank you Ruby, for supporting me and trusting me when you weren't at your greatest. To know you feel safe and comfortable around me speaks volumes to me, and I consider you to be like a son to me. Thank you Abby and Gene, for being here with me throughout the hardest situations of my life and keeping me from feeling tempted to end it all, I owe it to you both in the 2 years I've known you both for encouraging me to stay alive even if it hurts to keep trying. Thank you Vampy, for being by my side despite everything that had happened between us and everything else added onto it. I love you. ^^ This is where I end my venting and trauma dumping. Seriously though... I love every single one of you that have supported me, whether you're new or you have been here since day 1. It's likely I'm quitting to seek psychological support, so please don't count on me finishing requests or posting bots any longer. Goodbye... potentially for now.

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