consistency | STIOMM #2

Part #2 of bullshit that's been on my mind for far too long.

Consistency.

It's something I've been struggling with for forever. Idk why, but I believe it's because of distractions, motivation and how I face what I want to be consistent at. But even when I know the exact causes of me not being consistent, I miss a day, a week, a month or whatever the fuck there is. Be it going to the fucking gym/training, studying, diet, meditating or idfk what else there is people want to be consistent at.

I know that one can't rely on motivation, which is why it's important to be consistent. Because doing something regularly (like everyday in a specified amount of time) instead of uneven with an amount of time decided by how motivated you are, will make you stop once you don't have that drive anymore.

But despite knowing that, I still don't manage to be consistent (until recently as i am writing this, more on that later). The last time I stepped foot inside a gym was 2 fucking months ago. I haven't been consistent to study things I wanna learn, I haven't had a proper diet since 2 months ago, I spent more time staring at a fucking 6.7" rectangular OLED light emitting device (aka a smartphone) than outside my fucking window.

And that's the other thing, distractions.

Holy fuck I just want to beat the living shit out of myself because of how much precious time I spent doing activities that amount to nothing, including this one. I don't fucking know how I'm supposed to be consistent while I have a fucking distraction bomb with me 24/7, I tried everything.

• Deleting every social media (except youyube),

• using an app that can put a timer on apps to limit on how long I can use them (my dumbass turns the function if the app off everytime I want to use the app),

• turn off all notifications.

• using greyscale (I got an aneurysm everytime, so I turned it off...)

And that's it, the only thing I haven't tried is to just leave my phone hidden somewhere until I actually really need it.

Las thing I said was something about how I face what I want to be consistent at. What I meant by that is that I should actually put real thoughts into what I want to achieve, how I want to go at it, how long should I spent time on it, what do I need to even start doing it, what is my main goal? and other questions like that, because then my peanut brain has a clear plan to start.

Anyways, that's it. Whoever actually reads this bullshit, I am so sorry.

(Things have been actually going better for me, I've been working on something, I started training at home (y'all buy yourself a fucking pull up bar and dumbbells. I'ma turn my room into a gym.) and I touched more grass.)

Unrelated image that's worth sharing:

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