AI mastery plan

A rare, self-endorsed expert in all things “artificial intelligence” whose qualifications include: watching one YouTube video titled How AI Will Change EVERYTHING (and Why It’s Scary!!!) at 1.5x speed, skimming half an article on Medium, and once successfully getting an AI chatbot to generate an image of a hotdog wearing sunglasses without accidentally typing “hogdog” (which, in his own words, “shows prompt engineering mastery”).

Recognizable by his confident use of words like “algorithmic synergy,” “quantum-adjacent deep learning paradigms,” and “blockchain-enabled neural recursion,” none of which have any measurable connection to the conversation at hand. Often introduces himself in networking events with phrases such as “I was in AI before ChatGPT made it cool” despite his only “AI project” being a barely functional spreadsheet macro named Project Brain.

AI Mastery Man’s natural habitat includes LinkedIn posts where he writes thought-leadership threads starting with “The future is here, and it’s… AI,” followed by an inspirational stock image of a glowing brain. He frequently interrupts discussions to tell people “I can explain this in simple terms” before explaining nothing at all and ending with “but that’s a whole other conversation” so no one can challenge him.

In casual conversation, he proudly recounts how he once “trained an AI” — later revealed to be him typing five sentences into a free online chatbot — and boasts that his “datasets are proprietary,” meaning they are screenshots of tweets.

While feared by junior developers for his constant “mentorship” in the form of vague motivational metaphors, he is revered by non-technical executives who find his PowerPoint slides — filled with futuristic robot stock photos and arrows pointing in random directions — very convincing. When pressed for proof of his skills, he often deflects with a humble-brag about how “AI is more about vision than code” and how “true mastery is knowing when to let the AI think for itself.”

He also insists AI will “either save humanity or destroy it,” but reassures everyone that he will personally “guide it toward the light” because “the algorithms respect him.”

In summary: AI Mastery Man is 10% tech-savvy, 40% jargon generator, 50% performance art, and 100% convinced he’s the main character in the story of AI’s rise to power.