Feelings

I’m tired.. I just wanna be free and relax for once. My life is going downhill and I can never get a break. It’s always going from overthinking, to S/H, to my love life, then to my family issues. My family’s make no attempt to try and cafe for each other, I keep overthinking that I’m just a second-choice to all of my ‘friends’, and that I feel addicted to harming myself that way I can at least feel something in my life. None of my siblings or parents make any attempt to try and help me no matter the type of hints I give them that I’m harming myself, both emotionally, mentally, and physically. My mom just thinks it side-effects of my medication, and my siblings just end up thinking I’m an attention seeker. I always ask for help doing stuff because I get self-conscious and think I’m doing something wrong. This especially goes for when I ask for help making a plate of food, I get self-conscious about how much I eat. My siblings just say I’m helpless and lazy but they never try to understand. And it’s not like I can just say how I feel, this is because I know how judgmental they get. I seek comfort from my online-friends because their like a family to me and they try to genuinely understand me. I honestly hate myself and I wanna end it all.