My balls itch

I’m bored and I feel the need to yap so yippee

Salvo Roulette

        It’s a quiet night on the HMS Vanguard and I, the Captain of this ship, am watching the sea for any disturbance since there have been a lot of sightings of a German battleship here. I’m not one to be superstitious yet a few members of my crew have been saying it’s the ghost of the Bismarck. I was told to station the ship 620 miles west of the coast of Brest, France, the wreckage of the Bismarck is at least 20 miles away from my ship and 15,000 feet down, I’ve decided to keep the ship a safe distance by recommendation of my crew.  “Captain.” Someone says, “Hello? Earth to Captain James.” “Huh? What?” I say, I look at the person speaking to me, my second in command, Micheal O’Shaunessey, “Sorry I zoned out.” “I was trying to say what if the ghost of the Bismarck arose from the depths and shot ghostly salvos at our ship.” He says. “That is the most preposterous thing I’ve heard in my life.” I say, looking at him with an unamused expression on my face.

        “I was just saying.” He says, “It was just a what if.” “What ifs are for children, this is real and the Bismarck has been sunken for 34 years.” I say, “And turn the light back on, I can’t see anything.” “Alright.” He says, I hear him walk to the light switch and turn on the light. “Thank you.” I say. “I’m going to turn in for the night.” He says. “Alright, have fun.” I say. “Yay.” He jokingly says, “Good night Captain.” “Yeah, yeah, good night Mike.” I say. He leaves the room. I let out a sigh, “That report we got today was quite odd.” I say, picking up the file from today’s report, The report from today was about a fisherman that heard the sound of a battleship's horn and he saw what witnesses had said to be a ghostly battleship and was found a few hours later seemingly crushed to death. “I swear these people are drunk out of their minds if they’re seeing ghost battleships.” I shake my head.

The ship rocks like it’s been hit by a very weak salvo, “What the-” I start to say then-BANG! I quickly look out to the sea; there's nothing out there at all. I step out of the bridge and a few startled members of my crew, “What happened?!” One of the crew members, John, exclaims. “We hit a small piece of something in the water.” I say. “Oh alright.” John says, the few of them walk off. I go back to the bridge, “There is no ghost of the Bismarck.” I say, trying to reassure myself as I push the door to the bridge closed. The radio switches on, “Base to HMS Vanguard, have you seen anything?” The radio operator says.

“Nothing yet. Wait, I see something off the port bow.” I say, “I’m going to try to contact it.” I try to contact the other thing in the sea and I manage to contact it, “Hello?” I say. “Hello!” A voice on the radio says. I flinch from how loud the voice on the radio is, “Good god, turn down your radio!” I snap. “Jeez fine.” The voice on the radio says. “What’s the name of your ship?” I say with an exasperated sigh. “USS Wisconsin, the best ship there is.” The person on the radio says. “God save the queen.” I mutter. “What’s your ship called pal?” the person says. “HMS Vanguard.” I say.

“Well, why are you here?” They ask. “Ghost ship sightings, people say they see the ghost of the Bismarck but I think they’re drunken idiots making up nonsense.” I say. “Jeez, we’re here for the same reason.” The person on the radio responds. I see a bright light in the distance, “Goodness turn your spotlight down.” I say. “Um…that’s not us, USS Wisconsin’s spotlights are off.” The person says, “And I thought that was your ship.” I try to contact whatever’s shining that bright spotlight and