Love Letter

Today is a normal day, I guess. It's only a few days until we go back to school, exactly 18 days. I don't want to go back. I don't have anything that matters to me there. Friends. I guess that's what I've never gotten. There's only one person who's been my friend, but we don't even see each other anymore. We went to different schools. And even though I can go to that school, I don't really want to spend my parents' money. I'm already enough of a burden on them.

High school was fun, I guess. I met some people who made my last three months of high school a good time. But they hate me. I don't know why. In fact, I do. Maybe it's because I talk a lot. Maybe it's because I lie, or maybe it's simply because I tend to touch people a lot. But it's not my fault, I just haven't had that kind of affection in a long time. Before I preferred to be in school because there were those people who 'liked' me. But now they dumped me again. I dumped them. It's not my decision. Pressure does that to me. I've never had the security or confidence to choose what I should do. That's why everything I do is chosen by my parents or my brother. I've never had more than two friends. I've never been able to leave the house. For many reasons. I don't want to. And I have to stay. That's what I think.

Honestly, I'd rather go back in time and keep my childhood mentality. Now I worry about everything. Before, I didn't know if I had friends or not. Honestly, I'd rather go back in time and keep my childhood mentality. Now I worry about everything. Before, I didn't know if I had friends or not. Now, I'm a loser, a failure. I'd love not to have to stutter when I talk to someone, but I just can't help it. Almost no one ever talks to me. They prefer to get away. I understand. You probably don't want me to talk to you about games or anything like that. Although, to be honest, the only one I talk to about that is me. There's no one near my home who has anything in common with me. No music. No games. No anything. Those people I like live far away, in places I'll never reach. i'm sad.

When you left, I thought you'd come back. I don't know if it was my fault or something else, but I still blame myself for it. 7 months since you left. Why? It's literally like you've disappeared. You were the only person I liked talking to besides my friend. You even deleted your Discord account. You're not even active on Playstation. I know you wouldn't do something like that. I fear the worst. But I have hope. I fell in love with you and I told you so. Maybe that's why. You could have told me to fuck off. It would have killed me. But anyway, I don't think you would have left. I miss you. When I think of you, I cry. You showed me interesting games and your personality captivated me. You were simply too much for me. You rejected me for something else, I guess. I'm ugly, I know. Talkative, too. I just need you to tell me what it was exactly.

I'm just crazy for saying this. To think you left because of me, suddenly I feel really important, right? Ha. Sorry. I just want you back. I love you. If you come back, I promise I'll kill myself. Just so I don't upset you. You probably think I'm a stalker and a creep. Maybe I am. And there's no excuse for it. Just love. Anyway, even if you're not here. I pray you're living the best life, Ney!