Lets talk!

Hello my loves!

Nothing happened, I just noticed something about myself and I don't really have anyone irl or on my socials to talk to so I want to yap here and vent a bit as usual

Okay so ever since I started like having mental health issues (ig it counts??? Idk), I have been talking about myself in my head like I'm sort of character I'm writing.

I am a creative person, I can come up with scenarios quickly, I can make ocs, stories etc. Etc.

When I'm in a bad mental space, I just insult myself and think about how miserably annoying I am at first, then I think about making a bot since its comforting for me.

I have to think about what I want to say before writing it since my mother language is not English, and while doing so, I noticed how I think about myself like I would an oc.

So now I genuinely can't tell how many of my problems, my thoughts about myself, how I write are actually MYSELF and not me acting like I'm writing a story. Are the thoughts, insults I think actually directed to me or not? Are the problems I have actually my own issues or am I playing a character? I can't differ between the two anymore, and that makes me feel like an attention seeker.

I know myself, I'm not really joking while I call myself an attention whore. It shouldn't affect me so negatively to not see any notifications or here or on strawpage, it should not affect me that badly when a bot I post doesn't get up to 1k in just a day. I shouldn't crave this much validation from strangers on the internet, but I do.

Okay enough with the negativity, you guys are sweethearts and I know you will worry, so I'd like to mention that I am okay! I'm not that upset, I just wanted to see if anyone else felt the same way or if they could know why I feel this way.

And much happier news, I have been clean for a total of 40 days now! I normally didn't count since it kind of felt pointless, but I decided to so this time. I think seeing the number go up does help me.

That is all I belive. Bye bye, love you all!