This is not a bot²

I lasted for 13 days.

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I didn't post bots for almost 2 weeks. In fact, I didn't even notice that I could skip time for so long and not react to it in any way... That is, I warned you that I would stop now. But then I looked at my bots and realized that no one would even notice my «disappearance», because I could disappear for a month and then start making bots again as if nothing had happened. I'm ashamed.

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At the moment, everything is already better for me than it was. I'm trying to be positive.

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I don't want people here to worry about me, in fact I didn't even expect anyone to notice my last bot (where I apologized). But I felt very warm from all the kind words, thank you all very much 🤍

I don't want to go into details, because I know that no one needs it. But I don’t want to complain to my loved ones either, otherwise they will worry.

How about I whine to you a little? Yeah? Okay.

1

Don't think I'm too young, but I'm just entering college now. It's pretty stressful, considering I had an entrance exam. Usually everyone is trying to get into college quickly and on budget. I tried too. I had been thinking about becoming a designer for a long time (or at least getting such an education), so I applied for this specialty. I was very worried... I was afraid that I would not be accepted into this college. Why was I afraid? I have no backup options. I only have path «A» and no «B». I drew a picture for the exam, came home and cried. I'm self-taught in drawing and did not attend courses or art schools. I came there... And I was shocked. I thought that they would kick me out with my skills. I was really ready to cry right in the audience.

BUT I PASSED.

It was a real shock, but I was able to get credit and I am now officially enrolled.

2

I don't accept myself.

Like... The problem isn't gender.

The problem is in appearance.

I think I have a lot of bad facial features and I can't change them without surgery. Everyone around me tells me that I shouldn't worry, but when I see girls around me, I realize that I'm different. I'm not slim or petite, I'm not tall or stately. Am I average? Average height, average weight (BMI is ok, but compared to others I look big)

And the worst thing about this is that I can’t force myself to change. I tried to lose weight. Because of stress I even lost about 3-4 kg, but it's not enough. I want more. I want to lose at least another 10 kg. I went to the gym, but I can't force myself to stick to a diet. One day I might not eat all the time, and the next day I'll eat five servings and even order fast food.

3