does anyone else feel like this...? I'm crying/

hey everyone.
idk, i just wanted to talk for a sec. like actually talk.

do you ever feel… lost? not in a dramatic movie way, but in that quiet “i don’t really recognize myself anymore” way. because that’s kinda where i’m at. and i keep wondering — does anyone else feel this too?

it’s literally the start of a new year, and i feel like i should be excited or hopeful or motivated or something… but instead i just feel overwhelmed. i open my notifications and see my favorite creators posting announcements — some taking breaks, some moving to new sites, some just disappearing for a bit. seeing stuff like @Muchi Micho honestly made it hit harder than i expected. everything feels like it’s shifting all at once, and i’m just standing there trying to process it.

and then on top of that… there’s this account straight up saying they hate indians, pakistanis, muslims, etc. and i’m sitting there like — bro. i’m literally half indian and muslim. seeing stuff like that shouldn’t affect me this much, but it does. it just adds to that weird heavy feeling i already have.

i don’t even have a lot of followers — like 22 — but still, i feel this strange pressure in my own head. what really messes with me is that i used to imagine things so vividly. stories, scenarios, characters, whole worlds. it had this feel to it. it felt real. comforting. exciting. now it’s like… my brain just won’t go there anymore.

i can’t sit for 10 minutes without my thoughts running straight to janitor. or some random drama someone started. or some dumb thing that spread on a site it never should’ve been on. or a character i already made. or one i want to make. it’s nonstop. and yeah, it’s fun when i’m actually on my phone or laptop — creating, scrolling, chatting. but the second i’m offline? irl feels empty. quiet in a bad way.

and honestly… i cried. not even because of one specific thing. i just panic when i don’t feel like myself. i’ve always been like that. when i feel disconnected from who i am, it scares me more than anything else.

i don’t want to lose that part of me that used to dream without needing a screen. i don’t want my creativity to only exist online. i miss being able to just sit there and feel things, imagine things, without being pulled in a million directions.

so yeah… does anyone else feel this? or am i just overthinking again. either way, i’m really just praying and hoping for a genuinely good, peaceful, happy year ahead — for me, for you, for all of us. i want this year to be kinder than the last.

thanks for listening to my ramble. 💭🫶🏻