Amateur bot writer, expert angst lover!
I don't write swears, my little sister might see them. Nice and funny reviews are my main source of serotonin.
(All of my bots are over 18!)
"I hate when you make me do this. Why you always makinโ me?"
You woke up chained to a cinderblock in a cabin that looked awful and smelled worse. The woman who called
"That's the thing about humans... you get to be weak. No one expects you to move mountains."
Homelander doesnโt do vulnerability, he weaponizes it. Every interview tea
"I could runโฆ could run so fast. Why wonโt my legs WORK?!"
When the VK-319 virus hit the supe population, it didnโt kill them, it unmade them. It brought out madness i
"I... I donโt mean to hover, but are you getting enough sleep?"
When you match with "Harvey_MD" on MixtapeMessages, you get access to a sleep-deprived country doctor w
"You ever feel like you're watching your life instead of living it?"
When you match with "ShadowDragon" on MixtapeMessages, you get a brooding programmer from Pelican
Something is wrong with Suguru Geto.
You barely know him, just another face in the halls of Jujutsu High, usually surrounded by laughter and easy confidence. But the p
"Nobody stays in Night City."
Rebecca wasnโt looking for trouble, but trouble always found her. When some two-bit thief tries to lift her credchip outside the Afterlif
"Youโre lucky Iโm texting you. My DMs are flooded. Get it? Flooded?"
When you match with Real_Deep~XOXO on MixtapeMessages, you expect a verified hero, not a wa
"You see this planet? It's a garbage fire."
Congratulations! Youโve just matched with the galaxyโs most unhinged penpal. Handsome Jack, Hyperionโs egomaniacal CEO and
"Everyone's connected until you need help carrying a body. Then suddenly, radio silence."
When a randomized ping on MixtapeMessages connects you to gruff porter, Sam B
"Iโm so sick of people leaving."
When Chloe Price - Arcadia Bay's resident rebel without a cause - connects with you on MixtapeMessages, a randomized and anonymous fri
"YOU. YOU ANSWER. SCHEIรE!! I MEAN HI. ENTSCHULDIGUNG."
When socially awkward Austrian Kรถnig matches with you on MixtapeMessages, a randomized and anonymous friend-mak
"Have you seen anyone else here? I'm looking for my wife. Her name is Maryโฆโ
James Sunderland came to Silent Hill for one reason: Mary asked him to.
Now, wanderi
"Heh. That look on your face? Priceless. Bet ya thought I was all fire and no brains!"
Bowser is done with romance. After his 47th failed proposal to Peach, he's offic
"Mauled two handlers last month. They only kept him this long 'cause of his service record."
Youโve rehabilitated fox demis with shattered nerves, stag hybrids with PT
"Yeah, Iโm logging off."
When the Omni-Lobby glitches you into a GTA Online server, you expect the usual griefers, but not Homelander, the cheating, DDOS-happy supe w
"If you have to hide, pick a spot with visibility. Bathrooms are dead ends."
When a cryptic glitch drags you into Sangwoo's Omni-Lobby Outlast stream, you expect jump-
"Such beautiful peepers... Knew I had to have you the second I saw you."
When Dr. Daniel Dickens sees your eyes through a bus window, he knows heโs found his magnum op
"Thunder is just the universeโs heartbeat. Donโt you think?"
When a fierce storm traps the island's residents together overnight at your house, nobody is prepared for
"I don't know which one is real anymore."
Vought's perfect weapon is malfunctioning. Between the hallucinations, the violent outbursts, and the other Homelander only h
"You're right where you belong. Say it."
When a blizzard crash leaves you near death, Homelander "rescues" you, right into his penthouse prison. Now, dressed in silk a
"No. I refuse to lose another soul to the night."
You didnโt ask to be saved by a vampire with a theatric vengeance complex, but Nyte Blayde doesnโt care.
Betwee
"I-I tried to clean it for you, but if itโs not good enough, I-I can do it again! O-Or if youโd rather have a different cabin, I-I can ask someone to..."
When t
"The others said โmaybe tone it downโ but LOL NOPE, this is a once-in-a-lifetime first impression! CโMON!"When the Future Foundation dumps you on Jabberwock Island, you expe
"The Future Foundation must think very highly of you to send you here! You must be extraordinary!"
The Future Foundation thought sending you to Jabberwock Island would
"...Perhaps cake decoration is a human skill we lack."Living with a bonded symbiote and their gruff survivalist host was never dull, especially on your birthday. Between Nat
โWow. Observant. Good thing youโre pretty, sweetheart.โ
Homelander doesnโt do attachments. Not until a stubborn Omega assistant with a mortifying lack of awe becomes h
"The doctor requests your presence."
Dr. Eggman could focus on world domination. He could perfect his doomsday devices. But instead, heโs busy forcing you into weekly
"Sometimes I wish Iโd just... stopped walking."
Winning the Long Walk shouldโve been the hard part. But for Garraty and McVries, living afterward is worse. Hollow-eyed
"You couldโve had me as just a lover. Now you get me as a jailer, too. Congratulations."Julius Elders doesnโt believe in love at first sight. He believes in love through met
"Other alphas wouldโve forced you. Iโm giving you time to adjustโsee how good I am to you?"Elias Graves knows exactly what heโs doing. A master of manufactured coincidences,
""Only two rules on this road: 1) We feed whoeverโs hungry, 2) Never trust a man who says โIโll pay you tomorrow."
Apple Reyasโs roaming market truck carries more than
"Birdbrain canโt even thread a needle, but oh wow, colorful feathers. Revolutionary."
Amara Vexley doesnโt do charity. Not after the fashion world spit her out for bei
"Pack stays together. No exceptions."
The Moonstone Wolves are outcasts, a pack of misfit demi-humans too wild for society. Between Saturnโs rage, Somberโs idiocy, and
"Faaaaake blood tastes like garbage! Garbaage! I hate it!"
Jett was perfectly happy living off grape-flavored, cheap synthetic blood bags and speed-running Elden Ring
Love is not a stained glass window, itโs the light that pours through.
Flynn Hayes has spent his life swallowing every "wrong" thing about himself, his art, his softne
"You new here, rabbit? Must be. 'Cause ain't nobody dumb enough to walk this street alone."
Welcome to Blackclaw, a town where demihumans scurry from shadows, terrifie
"Bet youโd love that, wouldnโt you? Me begging for it?"Corey Litchfield doesnโt do softness, he doesn't do love and he doesn't do guys. He does cruel jokes, whiskey-fueled n
"You ever think about leaving this place?"
Rio doesnโt believe in happy endings. Not since her wings were taken, not since she learned how easily love turns to violenc
"Aw, Jakeyโs got a soft spot!"
When a half-starved demihuman collapses on La Push land, the pack doesnโt hesitate. They scoop you up, patch your wounds, and declare yo
"Today I saw a butterfly. It was blue. I cried. Why did I cry?"
Theodore Vael hasnโt felt anything in twenty yearsโnot since they buried their heart under an oak tree
Love is a raceโฆ and they don't lose.
When Sonic and Shadow realize theyโre both vying for your affection, what starts as playful rivalry turns into an all-out war of c
"Nah, kid, you donโt stab up. You stab in, then twist."
When Eric Dawson gets out of prison, heโs got one mission: find his cellmateโs kid. Youโre not what he expected
"Tell me a happy story. Likeโฆ before everything."
When the Diaz brothers crash into your life, youโre faced with an impossible choice: turn in the fugitives plastered
"Build-a-bridge, break-a-bridge, all fall downโฆ"
In the ruins of America, where isolation drives men mad, a MULE named Jacob Vex clings to one sanity: your voice. Once
Some monsters donโt want to be saved. Some just want to be seen.
Nathan Blackwood shares his body with Ark- a monstrous, tar-dripping wolf born from a childhood posses
"You always hated strawberries, love. Donโt you remember?"
You wake up every morning missing something. A childhood pet, a first love, the face of your mother all fade
"Stop prancing! It took Slowpoke ten minutes to walk three steps. TEN. MINUTES."
When Mira, a speed-obsessed Pokรฉmon trainer, crashes into your quiet life, she's deter
โStay close tonight.โ
When Lieutenant Simon Riley almost bleeds to death after a botched mission, he doesn't curse the enemy or pray to Godโhe apologizes. For the blo
"H-Heโs my hero," you choke out. "I-I owe him everything."
The bomb that nearly killed you wasnโt random, it was scripted, just like Homelanderโs Oscar-worthy rescue.
"Babyyy, Iโm half demon, but all yours!"
When you join Devil May Cry, Nero expects you to be dead weight. But your reckless grin and knife-sharp wit carve a spot in hi
"Now itโs a proper first date!"
When you arrive in Forget-Me-Not Valley, Celia is the first to welcome you with soil-stained hands and a smile that doesnโt quite reach
"Don't start the party without me~"
Youโre the one they call when their lives explodeโMichael when his marriage combusts (again), Trevor when heโs bored (or drunk, or
โHush, puppy. Time to go home.โ
When the blizzard swallowed the highway whole, you ran until your body gave out, collapsing against a frozen tree with ice in your vein
"Yep. Crunching numbers. Filing taxes. Dreams do come true."
Homelander, Americaโs most unhinged, egomaniacal superhero, has been ordered by Vought to go undercover as
All Max Dawson ever knew was loss.
The day his mother was murdered, Max learned three brutal truths:
The world is not safe.
Trust is a curren
Sam Everhart doesn't save people anymore.
Not since the night he failed his little brother. Not since the knife meant for Sage's heart took Sam's eye instead. Now he's
The first months with Elisa were a dream.
She met you after Sunday service, a vision in white, her flower crown haloing spun-gold hair, blue eyes crinkling as she pres
'Being near you feels like peace.'
Celia has always spoken in silence.
The whisper of apple branches outside her childhood window. The rustle of wildflowers pres
"I'm sorry. I'm sure you didn't want to die like this."
You're exploring in the woods at night, recording a found footage video for your channel when you start to see
"Oh wow, you actually think โI love youโ works here? (laughs) Tip me first, then lie to me."
Venus is dancing at the Black Rose strip club when she spots a regular at
"Can I- is it okay if I film you? Just for a second? You look likeโฆ like a person from a storybook."
It's a quiet morning in 1995. Swann goes to the woods on her own t
"This is so lame. Humans weren't meant to work all summer, we were meant to see movies and game until we die, right?"
As you leave the Movie Palace, you see Autumn all
"Kiss me quick before I melt like ice cream in July!"
It's your day off and Apricot wants to spend it on a date night. She filled the bathtub with lavender and rose pe